Now entering 2016...now approaching my 25th birthday...now teetering at the edge of a new chapter in my life. 2015 was the year of transition, and those transitions are following me still.
Meeting my muse incarnate in 2014 has sent me in a direction I never quite anticipated--it has been a marvelous and magical direction; one that has forced me to take care of myself and my own personal life instead of solely tending to my work. I know that the quantity of my work--especially my visual art--has suffered because of this. The amazing thing I've discovered, however, is that even though the new complexity that befell my existence has slowed my creative production, the quality of my work has in no way suffered. I am mainly referring to the writing of Book II, which I have stayed consistently devoted to meticulously crafting. It turns out that the new external things I've experienced over the past few years have brought me to a higher level of internal understanding. There are no words to explain what this higher understanding is precisely. All I know is that I have, without question, channeled it, expressed it and woven it through every sentence of my upcoming book.
I've always felt that I was born backwards. l arrived here an old woman at the transcendent edge of death. Slowly I have had to learn to come alive, become younger and to bring myself down onto this planet, have fun--experience things "outside" my own mind and live here as a functioning human person. Recently I have done just that and learned in the process that my work needed it just as much as I did. All the while, I have not lost the strange wisdom I was born with. Though I still have a long way to go, I have only gained the experience to give weight and depth to truths that I already held within me.
Right now I am sitting in the house that my love and I are moving into together. Everything is still in chaos and nothing is quite in its place inside this house. And yet everything is so close--right on the edge of becoming ordered. I feel that this new home is in many ways a symbol of my state of being. The pieces of me are almost but not quite organised in my new skin--almost but not quite to that point where I can plant my roots and create the quantity of work I used to... back when I lived alone in my apartment. A new era of art is approaching, I can feel it...and it will emerge with the birth of book II. I just need some more time, it seems, to gather myself before these things can properly begin.
To anyone out there who cares or appreciates my work, I am just here to say that I have almost spiraled back to where I once was, only now understanding deeper truths and thus nearly ready to create more.
I'm almost there. I'm almost there...